you’re leaving on tuesday for a month. you ask me to visit you at work, but i’m exhausted, so i take a nap. you tell me you only have a couple days left and that i should go visit you. i denied cos i’m already on the edge of falling asleep. i asked you to come over after work, but you decided to make plans and go out with the boys. yah, no big deal. 2 days left and you would rather hang with the boys.
Why can’t I get out of this circle? That thought that maybe he could have been the one. It keeps coming back. Maybe we fought all the time. And we let every little negative thought get the best of us. But maybe those fights were what we needed. I would have never known how he really felt about me if we didn’t have all those stupid little arguments. I know we both walked away. We both gave up. And I know he wanted to try again. But I told him we were done. Because I was too prideful. I didn’t want to just let him walk back into my life just like that. I didn’t want to give in. I didn’t want to let him think that he could just repeatedly walk in and out of my life as if it were nothing, because the first guy I thought I loved put me through hell with all of that nonsense. And I guess.. I was afraid that it was all happening again.
I have tried so many times to just move on with life. Meet new people and all that jazz. But I keep finding myself back at the same spot asking myself, “Should I send him a message? Give him a call?” Agh, it’s so frustrating. And I don’t even know who I can talk to about shit like this anymore. So here I am, writing to Tumblr. What am I supposed to do now.
text me. or call me dude! i miss you!